


I Feel Warm with You

by LelsieSphinx



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 5+1 Things, Angst, Boys Kissing, But only a tiny bit, Canonical Character Death, Fluff, Happy Ending, Kid Bucky Barnes, Kid Steve Rogers, M/M, Post-Avengers (2012), Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Post-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Snow, Stucky Media Mini Bang, Winter Soldier Bucky Barnes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-17
Updated: 2020-03-22
Packaged: 2021-03-01 03:19:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,071
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23168395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LelsieSphinx/pseuds/LelsieSphinx
Summary: 5+1 winters throughout the lives of Steve and Bucky; filled with fun, kisses, wars, separation, reunions and softness.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 79
Kudos: 222
Collections: Stucky Media Mini Bang 2019





	1. Gloved Hands Twine

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thewaythatwerust](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thewaythatwerust/gifts).



> Inspired by the song [Snow by Malumi](https://youtu.be/ILRwZ4iwhnA) which is a love song in a minor key, which I find interesting. :)
> 
> A big _big_ thank you to my artist, [thewaythatwerust](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com) for all their help with this fic! they helped me with ideas when I was stuck, did a little beta reading for me, was my cheerleader, and made such amazing artwork for this! Be sure to go check out their tumblr.  
> This is my first attempt at any kind of bang, and I enjoyed writing this story so much. I hope you all enjoy reading it! <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky as children, go outside to play in the snow.

“Steve! Steve!” Bucky calls, skidding into Steve’s room. Steve looks up from where he’s lying on his bed sketching. “Steve! It snowed!”

“Buck, it’s snowed several times already, he points out, even as he closes his sketch pad and sits up, looking for his shoes.

“Yeah yeah,” Bucky says waving a hand, bouncing in place with excitement, “but now there’s enough to actually _do_ something with.”

When Steve _finally_ has his shoes on, Bucky grins.

“Race you to the door!” He calls, already racing away.

“You’re a rotten cheater, Bucky!” Steve shouts, chasing after him. 

Bucky’s waiting by the door, smug as anything as Steve’s Ma looks at them both with amusement.

“Where are you boys going in such a hurry?”

“It _snowed_ , Ma! We’re gonna go play” Steve explains, putting on a coat, and dashing over to Where Bucky is waiting anxiously. 

He feels a tug at his collar.

“Not without your gloves and a hat you’re not.

“Maaa,” Steve whines. But he dons the requested items quickly, more eager to be outside than to argue.

Sarah chuckles. 

“Alright boys, have fun.” They race out the door, her laughter ringing in their ears. 

They end up walking around for a while, marveling at how different the world looks all covered in snow. Bucky notices how snow falls off a branch and wonders if there’s a way he could make the snow fall off while Steve was standing under it. 

Before he can figure it out, he hears Steve call for him. 

“Bucky! Bucky watch this!” His friend waves at him from a few feet away before running towards him. Steve stops as he hits a patch of ice and slides across. He stumbles a little as he reaches the end but grins when he catches himself. 

“My turn!” Bucky declares. Steve steps aside as Bucky runs and jumps onto the ice. He ends up sliding a little more sideways than Steve had.

“Woah!” He exclaims as he slides. When he reaches the end he bursts out laughing, Steve laughs too, sliding across again to join him on the other side. They take turns, laughing and teasing when the other can’t quite find his balance at the end. They stop when Steve is about to slide towards Bucky, but instead of sliding across, he falls backwards with a shout, waving his arms in a failed attempt to remain upright.

“Steve!” Bucky cries in alarm, rushing around the ice to his friend. He kneels down as Steve sits up, rubbing the back of his head with a grimace.

“You alight?” 

Steve nods slowly.

“Yeah, just sore.”

Satisfied his friend is okay, Bucky starts laughing. Steve scowls. 

“What?” He demands.

“Your face!” Bucky laughs, “when you fell” he pulls an exaggerated surprised face and wheels his arms around. Steve glares harder, which only encourages Bucky to laugh harder. 

Steve shifts around so he’s sitting on his knees and reaches for the nearest snow. Hr grabs enough to make a snowball and throws it into Bucky’s face. Steve laughs as Bucky splutters. Steve stands and runs before Bucky can retaliate. 

As Steve runs, he hears Bucky shouting after him. It’s not long before the other boy catches up and they start a snowball war. 

It ends with both of them slightly out of breath, but laughing as they lay in the snow. While they laugh and stare p at the sky, it begins to snow.

Bucky opens his mouth, hoping to catch the falling snowflakes.

“You look like a dope,” Steve informs him. Bucky sticks his tongue out at him.

They both shiver as the wind shifts. 

“We should probably head back,” Bucky says, sadly. Steve stands and nods. He holds out a hand to help Bucky up.

“C’mon. Bet Ma’ll make us some hot chocolate before she goes to work.”

Bucky eye’s his friend, debating pulling him down into the snow, but shivers again. He takes Steve’s hand and let’s the other boy believe he’s actually pulling him up. When he tries to retake his hand, Steve doesn’t let go. 

“Hot chocolate sounds good,” he says, twining their fingers. Steve beams at him, and they begin the walk back to Steve’s apartment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Artwork on TheWayThatWeRust's on tumblr](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com/post/612887762117574656/we-should-probably-head-back-bucky-says-sadly)


	2. Hide Me from All My Ghosts, Keep Me with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve's Ma died a couple weeks ago. Bucky comes over to spend the night

Steve shivers as he locks the door and turns off all the lights. His bed is cold as he climbs into it. Steve curls into a ball, sniffling. It was cold, he missed his mother, and if he was honest with himself, he missed Bucky too. 

It’s only been a couple weeks since Ma died, but the apartment still seems so empty, so quiet, without her. He tries not to spend time here, so he can pretend, so he doesn’t have to deal with the silence. He’s barely seen Bucky in the same amount of time. Not since Bucky had stopped by after the funeral, and offered to have Steve live with him. Steve had refused, stating a need for some time, maybe a little space, and that had been that. They only saw each other in passing, in public. 

Although, maybe Bucky was avoiding him. There were definitely times that Bucky could have been around, and wasn't. Maybe, maybe his ma had asked Bucky to be nice to him. To be his friend, his boyfriend. And now that she was gone, Bucky was free of his obligation.

Or maybe Bucky was angry that Steve had insisted on staying by himself. That he didn’t need Bucky to spend every night like he had tried at first. Maybe Steve had scared him off. 

Steve shudders, and wished it was warmer. He hadn't warmed up yet, and he was beginning to think that maybe he wouldn't. It happened sometimes, in the winter.  
(He doesn’t wish Bucky was here. Not at all. It wouldn’t make a difference.)

Steve doesn’t think anything of it at first when he hears someone outside the apartment cursing. But then he hears a key in the lock and he sits up. 

Whoever it was must have found the key under the brick and decided to come in. He should have listened when Bucky said it was a terrible hiding spot.

He grabs a bat and creeps into the main room. The front door creaks as it opens, and he stills. It's late, no one else lives here (not anymore), the front door should not be opening.

A tall man slips inside, turning without seeing Steve to gently close the door and relock it. The man turns around and Bucky starts when he sees Steve behind him. 

“Steve!” He says. Steve breathes a sigh of relief, and lowers the bat.

"Jeeze, Buck, you scared me," he says. He furrows his brow and looks up at him. "What are you doing here anyway." He demands.

"Can't I come to see my best guy?" He asks, reaching out for Steve. Steve takes a step back, avoiding Bucky's hand, pretending, or maybe just not noticing, the hurt that blooms on Bucky's face. “and here you are, greeting me with a bat.”

“It’s the middle of the night, Buck. A little late for a visit,” Steve replies dryly, shouldering the bat.

“Well, yeah. But I ain’t seen you in a while,” Bucky says, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I missed you, Stevie.” He says, quieter.

“Whose fault is that?”

“Stevie,” Bucky starts. Steve cuts him off.

“You’ve been avoiding me, We’ve hardly seen each other the last couple weeks. You ain't been around once, and now you’re showing up in the middle of the night. Like you’re ashamed to be here or somethin.”

“Steve,” he says, reaching for him again. Steve smacks his hand away with his free one. Bucky makes a frustrated sound, running his hand through his hair instead. “I ain't been avoiding you Steve. You said you wanted time, so I tried to give it to you. Then you’re never home, and I can’t find you anywhere else. I figured you just didn’t want to see me yet. Or maybe.. But I’ve missed you, alright? I figured I would stop by tonight after work, but it went late, which is _why_ I’m here so late.”

Steve scowls.

"I don't want your pity, Barnes."

Bucky stares at him long enough that Steve starts to get uncomfortable. He crosses his arms, which is a little awkward with the bat still grasped in his right hand.

"Is that, do you really think that little of me? I knew you were stupid Steve, but I didn't think you were that stupid." Steve looks away, and senses more than sees Bucky step towards him. "Steve, Stevie I'm here because I love you. You, you've got to know that. It ain't-isn't pity. It never has been. I loved Sarah as much as I love my own ma. I miss her too, okay? It’s okay to miss her. Just, let me be here for you now, please? You wanted some time, and that's fine, but please Stevie. Please."

Steve sighs, running a hand down his face and shivers. He's cold, and done with this conversation.

"Alright. Okay,” Steve says rubbing his eyes. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have said that. I’m just. Sorry, Buck.” He sighs, looking up, but refuses to look Bucky in the eye. “Go home, we can talk tomorrow. 

He turns around, not waiting for an answer. He knows that if he stays here talking any longer, he'll ask Bucky to stay. To not leave him; tonight or ever. Once he reaches his room, he rests the bat on the bed frame and curls up underneath the cold blankets. 

Taking it a deep breath, he releases it slowly, wincing to himself when it comes out like a sob. He really hopes that Bucky has left already.

There's a soft hand on his shoulder.

"I thought I told you to go home," Steve mutters into his pillow, closing his eyes.

"You did," Bucky agrees quietly. The blankets are lifted up just enough for Bucky to slide in behind him. When Bucky scoots closer, molding himself to Steve's back, and pulling him into his arms, he only offers a token resistance. "Can't tell me to go somewhere I already am."

"You're a sap, Barnes." Steve grumbles.

“Whatever, Rogers," is the response, followed by a kiss to the back of his head. “Go to sleep already.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Steve grumbles, a smile stealing onto his face as he relaxes against him.

"I miss her," Steve whispers some time later. Bucky tightens his arms and whispers back.

"I know."

Steve sniffles a little, and turns around so he can tuck his head under Bucky's chin. Bucky adjusts them a little, trying to make them both comfortable, and tangles their legs together.

"Thanks, Buck." Steve whispers. "Thanks for being here."

Bucky kisses the top of his head, and murmurs, "love you, Stevie."

"Steve swallows hard and responds, "Love you too, Buck."

He closes his eyes again, and finally begins to feel warm again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Artwork on TheWayThatWeRust's tumblr](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com/post/612970341835423744/i-thought-i-told-you-to-go-home-steve-mutters)


	3. Frozen Wasteland, Holding Your Hand

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky keep watch, the night before they go to capture Zola

“I got first watch,” Bucky says into the silence. The ribbing and stories had gone down with the sun, leaving them all exhausted and cold from the long climb up the mountain. There was still a way to go first thing in the morning to get into position to jump onto a moving train.

“I’ll take second,” Steve says. He senses Bucky’s eye roll, but doesn’t look up from the fire. 

The others claim their watch, well used to this routine by now. After watches are claimed, every one bids goodnight and heads out. 

Steve watches them go, leaving him and Bucky.

“You gonna turn in?” Bucky asks, standing and shouldering his rifle.

“Nah,” Steve says leaning back to look up at Bucky, “Figure you could use some help.”

Bucky snorts.

“Come on then, punk,” he says nodding away from camp, “maybe you’ll learn something.”

“Jerk!” He calls to Bucky’s retreating frame. But he picks up his shield and gun to follow quickly. 

Bucky stops at the edge of camp, turns to say something, but Steve ducks down to catch a handful of snow and throw it at him. He laughs as Bucky splutters; isn’t quite prepared for Bucky to tackle him. 

They wrestle for a minute, but subside quickly. They have a job to do. 

Standing, they brush themselves off, and Steve looks to be sure there isn’t anyone around. 

Satisfied, he leans in and places a gentle kiss on Bucky’s lips before shouldering his shield once again. 

Bucky quirks his lips in a half smile, and takes position next to him. He bumps their shoulders together, but doesn’t say anything. 

They watch in silence as the moon rises, changing the shadows in the little clearing around their camp. 

When Bucky gives a full body shiver, Steve looks over in concern. Before Steve can say anything, Bucky gives him a _look_ and turns away to walk the perimeter. Steve jogs to catch up.

“It’s almost time for my watch,” Steve says casually.

“Steve,” Bucky warns.

“It’s warmer, you could get a little more sleep.”

“Why don’t _you_ go to sleep,” Bucky shoots over his shoulder, “It’s not even your watch. Maybe some beauty sleep would fix your ugly mug.”

Steve bites down on a retort, _now isn’t the time for banter_ , and follows Bucky until he settles into a new spot. Bucky doesn’t look at him.

“I think I’ll stay,” he says softly, not looking at Bucky, “wouldn’t know what to do with myself without you around to bother.” Steve looks up with a tentative smile, an apology.

Bucky sighs, but knocks their shoulders together, accepting. He leaves their shoulders pressed together. When Bucky shivers again, Steve doesn’t say anything, just presses a little closer. 

Finally, Steve quietly comments, “My watch.” 

Bucky grunts, shivering harder now.

Steve takes hold of his hand and kisses it, before holding it up to his face.

“You don’t have to stay out here,” he reminds him.

“Neither did you,” Bucky points out, drily. Steve kisses his palm again. “I’ll need my hand back, though.” He adds, amused.

Steve pulls their hands to his chest and leans close to kiss his cheek. Bucky turns his head at the last moment to catch his lips. He then squeezes Steve’s hand before taking his back.

Bucky tries to suppress a shiver, but Steve notices anyway. 

“Here,” he says, slipping behind him and pulling him close; back to chest.

“You just want me to get shot first if we get attacked,” Bucky mumbles, but leans back into Steve’s warmth. He shivers again. 

“That’s me, just trying to get rid of you.” He ducks his head to kiss Bucky’s neck.

“One problem,” Bucky murmurs, “I can’t reach my gun.”

“We both know keeping watch out here is _probably_ a formality,” Steve murmurs back, “but,” he takes Bucky’s left hand in his and wraps their arms around Bucky’s waist, pulling him a little closer. He puts one of his guns into Bucky’s remaining hand, before drawing the other one; holding it as he crosses his arm over Bucky’s torso, resting near his shoulder. “There.” He says, smugly. 

Bucky huffs.

“Sure, that works.” But he doesn’t move. 

The moon is much higher, Steve’s watch is almost over, before Steve speaks again.

“You ready for tomorrow?”

Bucky tenses in his arms.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

“Buck…”

“I’ll be fine,” His voice is deceptively light, “The rat might be missing a few teeth, but he’ll be alive when we get back to base.”

Steve holds him tighter. 

“Bucky,” he sighs, dropping his head onto his shoulder.

“What?” He challenges.

“Just, do you think you’ll ever tell me what happened? Please?”

Bucky is quiet for a moment.

“There hasn’t been a good time,” he hesitates.

“I know,” Steve says, lifting his head and looking up to pretend he was still watching out. “I’m not asking you to tell me now. But soon? After this, maybe?”

Bucky turns around and kisses him, pouring all of his love into it. Steve returns the kiss eagerly, doing his best to return the sentiment. Trying to let him know, nothing would change, regardless of anything that would be said.

Bucky pulls away first, resting his forehead against Steve's.

“After this,” Bucky promises, “We’ll have some time, after this mission. And I’ll,” he swallows hard, closing his eyes, “I’ll tell you. We’ll finally have a nice long chat about what happened to me and happened to you, and what we’re going to do after the war, and all of it. We’ll go somewhere no one will bother us for a day or two and we’ll talk.” He shudders and opens his eyes to meet Steve’s concerned gaze. He tries to smirk, to lighten the mood. “And maybe not talk a bit too. Wouldn’t that be nice.”

Steve smiles and kisses his forehead.

“Deal. I’m holding you to that.” 

Bucky kisses him again, gently, and turns back around for the remainder of the watch.

He steps out of Steve’s arms just before the watch ends, and is instantly cold again. Steve presses their shoulders together and it’s not so bad.

Dum Dum appears soon.

“It’s freezing out here.” He says by way of greeting.

“Yup,” Bucky returns, “ ‘s why we’re turning in. ‘Night.”

Dum Dum waves and they go to their tent. 

They change quickly, slipping into their bedrolls. Bucky wraps himself around Steve, reverse what they had been outside. 

“Love you, punk.”

Steve takes his hand and squeezes. 

“Love you too, jerk.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Artwork on TheWayThatWeRust's tumblr](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com/post/613056643902636032/after-this-bucky-promises-well-have-some)


	4. Stone Cold Ground, ...Silence is All Around

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve spends a silent night missing Bucky in the Future. The Winter Soldier is sent on a mission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: The Soldier _is_ sent to kill someone. Cause of death is not really specified. It is not graphic. more detail in end notes (Soldier's pov starts after Steve shudders)

It’s quiet.

Steve stands by the window, watching the snow fall, noticing the silence. 

Of course, it’s late at night, and it’s snowing. Few people would be up. But the future always seemed so loud; so busy in its own different way. It was… different.

He tries not to think of the last time he saw snow. 

It wasn’t working.

Turning around, he glances at his apartment, looking for some kind of distraction. Steve has piles of books that people have insisted he read. A couple history books, as he tries to get caught up; trying to be informed. 

Because Captain America is always being asked for his opinion on one topic or another. How is he supposed to answer unless he knows what’s going on? The history of it?

Sometimes he thinks Bucky would…

Well.

Turning away from those thoughts, he looks at something else. 

There’s a small tree. Tony had insisted that he have some kind of decorations for the holiday. It’s Avengers themed. Steve doesn’t know what to think about it. It’s at least ten times fancier than anything he and Bucky ever had.

Steve touches one of the shields briefly, but ultimately turns to the window; watching the snow fall. Trying so hard not to miss his family, his friends, his _time_ , here at Christmas. Trying so hard not to picture his last Christmas, with the Commando’s. With Bucky. 

It’s quiet outside. Frozen over. The snow is falling, freezing any life that might be outside. 

Steve shudders.

~~~

His screams are still echoing as the Words are spoken. ( _No, not again, please don’t make me)_

The panic and fear melt away leaving only obedience.

_“Ready to comply.”_

The Mission is this:

Enter the traitor’s home

Kill her; make it look like an accident

(The team will be there to retrieve any incriminating information)

Anything the team cannot retrieve is to be destroyed

Return to base.

It was simple.

(There was no other option.) 

The Asset enters first, making his way carefully. It had snowed and he wasn’t supposed to leave any trace. 

He finds her in an office looking at a computer. A quick glance shows text, a couple pictures of the Asset during Maintenance. Another of someone who looks similar to the Asset, standing next to a blond man. 

It is deemed unimportant to the mission.

(But there’s something familiar. _Take another look_. He ignores it)

“I wondered if they would send you,” she says, without turning around. Her typing gets faster.

The Asset grabs her hands away from the keyboard, pulling her up and around to face him. He knows that she mustn't be allowed to send her work.

“You could be free of them,” she says, seemingly desperate, “There’s a man who would help you, I know he would.” The Asset knows that he shouldn’t be listening, that he should complete the mission. Targets have begged before (He’s sure, even if he can’t remember. _Maybe this time is different_ ), made promises that meant nothing.

“Look at him!” She says tilting her head back to the screen. He narrows his eyes at her, but glances over again. 

There’s something familiar about the blond man in the photo. He looks and sees an article, the same man dressed up standing in front of reporters. 

The Asset frowns, noting there’s a difference in the man. He reaches out, touching the screen. (There’s something wrong with the image. _He was dead, they said he was dead. How could he be here?_ A difference in the way the man held himself, his eyes. _What happened?_ ) 

“Give me ten minutes,” she says quietly, “we can get out of here, he would help us.”

The extraction team leader comes into the room. The team must have arrived.

“Soldat,” he says, “What are you doing, complete your mission.”

The Asset doesn’t listen, just continues to look at the pictures. (He wants to reach through the screen. _He wants to take the man into his arms, never let him go._ What happened to him? _What happened to us?)_

 _“Soldat!_ ” The Commander says again. Then he uses the trigger words, and there’s nothing left but to obey. 

He takes the struggling, pleading woman into the kitchen. She is rendered unconscious, and he arranges the room to look like a cooking accident. 

The team finishes, and the asset starts the fire. They stay to be sure it burns; that no one escapes.

The flames get bigger, and it begins to snow, the wind picking up. 

Shivering, the asset watches. 

(Something deep inside him _screams_.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Soldier is sent to kill someone and make it an accident. She tries to convince him to run away and contact Steve. A handler comes in and orders him to finish the mission. He burns down her house.
> 
> This is the saddest chapter. I promise there's a Happy ending. See you tomorrow!
> 
> [Artwork on TheWayThatWeRust's tumblr](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com/post/613140374965354496/the-team-finishes-and-the-asset-starts-the-fire)


	5. Sunlight is Streaming ‘Round…’Cuz I’m with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After searching for Bucky for months, Steve receives a phone call and a surprise.

Steve was back in his apartment in Brooklyn. Looking out the same front window, watching it snow.

He taps his head against the window a couple times. With a sigh, he turns, running both hands through his hair. He collapses onto the couch, face in hands.

Both him and Sam have been running around America _and_ Europe looking for Bucky. It’s been almost six months since they last saw him. 

Bucky. Looking at the Captain America exhibit. He had been there. Once he had left, cameras followed him until he entered a house. He never reappears. They've been looking for any trace of him since. Following half leads and maybe’s and old intel

They stopped for the holidays. 

They were both exhausted. After another Hydra base, another dead end, and very little new intell, Sam had wistfully recounted the Wilson family Christmas. He had done so in a way that made it clear he didn’t expect to go that year. 

Steve couldn't let that happen. Not after all that Sam had done for him. 

Besides, they had been at this for so long. He thought that maybe it was time to listen to Natasha and take a break. 

So back to the States for Christmas and New Years.

Once Sam had realised that they _weren’t_ back to take out another base, follow another lead, he had been thrilled. They both went to Mrs. Wilson’s home for Christmas. Steve had to admit, it was fun. Would have been better if Bucky was there. If he at least knew Bucky was okay. 

Now here he was, New Year’s Eve. Sam thought he was doing something with the Avenger’s tonight. The Avenger’s thought he was with Sam. But here he was, worrying about Bucky, wondering if he would ever see him again.

Was he safe? Was he warm? Did he have a place to stay? Did he know who he was? Had he been recaptured by Hydra?

Steve sighs again, looking over his steepled hands to look at the folders on his coffee table. He reaches out and flips one open. He doesn’t pay attention to the words. 

Six months.

A handful of times, he had hoped that they were close. He was so sure. But each new lead fizzled into nothing. They found new information on the Winter Soldier, all of it horrifying, but nothing about the man now. 

Sometimes things were missing from the bases. Or things obviously destroyed. Steve could only hope that in those cases, it was because Bucky had been there. It’s been a while since they saw anything like that. 

He puts his head in his hands. Maybe Sam and Natasha were right. Maybe Bucky didn’t want to be found. Maybe it was getting to time that Steve respected his wishes. 

That could be his New Year’s resolution, he thinks dully, let Bucky go. Since that seemed to be what he wanted.

Steve shakes his head. Not yet. A couple more months, _then_ if everything seems okay, there’s no news ( _no news is good news_ they say), no reason to think that there’s something wrong. Then he can let Bucky go. 

He doesn’t want to. _Oh_ how he doesn’t want to. But he won’t make choices for Bucky. There’s just a handful more leads on the Winter Soldier, and then he can let Bucky go. 

If that’s how it turns out.

(He hopes it doesn’t.)

Steve leans back and stares up at the ceiling, thoughts swirling. 

When his phone starts buzzing on the table, he ignores it. He doesn’t want to talk to anyone right now. It stops, and stays silent for a long moment, so he assumes it wasn’t important anyway. 

Then it begins again. 

With a groan, he sits up to see who it is. 

_Unknown Number_

Huh.

He glares at it long enough that it goes silent again. There’s no one he wants to talk to, no one who would be calling him. When it rings again, he’s irritated. 

Can't he be left alone for a moment?

Snatching the phone, Steve answers it.

“What?” He snaps.

There’s a brief moment of static before a voice says

“That’s one way to answer the phone, I guess.”

Steve sits up straight.

“Bucky?”

“Hiya Stevie.”

“Bucky,” he says again, relieved. 

“That's me,” Bucky says, chucking a little. “Didn’t anyone ever tell you, you’re supposed to answer the phone the first time it rings?”

Steve laughs, leaning forward, and covering his face with his free hand. 

“Not so much,” he admits, “Phone etiquette wasn’t really covered in my introduction to the future class.”

“They actually put you in a class?” Bucky asks.

“Sort of. More of a crash course in technology changes and history. Left me to figure the rest out.

Bucky humms thoughtfully.

“And how’s that workin’ out for ya?”

“Eh,” Steve shrugs, forgetting for a moment that Bucky can’t see him.

“At least you got that,” Bucky muses, “I had a museum exhibit. And some broken memories, courtesy of Hydra.”

Steve winces, but doesn’t say anything. 

“Sorry,” Bucky whispers. 

“You have no reason to be,” Steve sighs, falling back into the couch and closing his eyes.

The only sound is of their breathing.

“I'm sorry,” Bucky says again. “This, this was probably a bad idea. I’ll just-”

“No! Bucky, wait,” Steve says, jumping up, exhaustion gone. “Please.”

Bucky waits, breath still coming clear over the phone. But doesn’t say anything.

“It’s really good to hear from you. Thank you for calling.” Steve takes a deep breath. “Are you ok? Is there anything I can do for you?” When Bucky doesn’t say anything, he continues. “If, if you don’t want to see me, that's fine. If you want me to stop looking, I will. Just, let me know how you're doing? Let me know if there’s something I can do? Anything. Please, Buck.”

Steve listens to the pounding of his heart, waiting for Bucky’s response. 

Finally, Bucky lets out a long breath.

“Alright. Okay.” Steve hears movement through the phone. “There is one thing, I'd like for you to do. Can you do that?”

“Anything.” Steve promises.

“Alright. Can you.. It’s New Years Eve, right?”

“Uh, yeah?” Steve says, thrown by the change of topic.

“Go outside for a minute, would you?” Bucky says, sounding nervous. “There’s something I want you to see.”

“Sure,” He says, already moving, concerned at Bucky’s nervousness, “Is something” he swings the door open, “wrong…” He stands in the doorway, gaping.

Bucky chuckles, still nervous.

“Hiya, Stevie.” Bucky says standing in front of him, his words echoing through the phone.

Because Bucky is _here_ on Steve’s doorstep. His hair is still long, but neat. He’s wearing a nice coat, his nose and cheeks pink with the cold. While Steve is watching, he lowers his phone, ending the call, tucking it into a pocket. He smiles shyly up at Steve.

When Steve doesn't say anything, just keeps staring like an idiot, he starts to shift uncomfortably.

“Umm” he goes to take a step back, _away_ , and suddenly Steve can move again.

He drops his phone, not caring where it lands, and pulls Bucky into his arms. 

Bucky grunts in surprise, stiff for a moment, before relaxing and hugging him back, just as fiercely. 

“You’re here, you’re actually _here._ ” Steve says into his neck, eyes watering. 

“A little broken, nowhere near the same as I used to be,” Bucky cautions, pulling back a little to look Steve in the eye, “But yeah. Here I am.”

“I don't care.” Steve insists, moving one hand to Bucky’’s face. “Everyone changes. What matters is you’re here.” He smiles, rubbing Bucky’’s cheek. “So welcome home.”

“I'd like that,” Bucky says softly, looking down.

“Huh?”

“For this to be home?” Bucky looks up, uncertainty written all over his face.

“Of course. _Of course_ it can be. For as long as you want it.”

Relief spreads over Bucky’s face, and he leans back into Steve. Steve holds him, smiling up at the sky, even as his tears spill over. 

Overhead, fireworks begin to boom, and people start shouting.

Bucky looks up, smiling in the changing lights. 

“Happy New Year, Steve.”

Steve shifts his thumb to the corner of his mouth. “May I?” Bucky’s smile turns indulgent and soft, but he nods.

Steve kisses the corner of his mouth, and rests his forehead against Bucky’s. 

“Happy New Year, Buck” he whispers.

Bucky returns the favor, and they stand there, holding each other.

(Much later, after they have gone inside, after they have talked and caught up some, after they’ve eaten and fallen asleep next to each other on the couch - both reluctant to be away from the other, both unsure how things work now - Steve realises he left his phone outside. He feels sheepish, but Bucky laughs at him. And Steve has never been so happy to be laughed at.)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Artwork on TheWayThatWeRust's tumblr](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com/post/613231251148750848/overhead-fireworks-begin-to-boom-and-people)


	6. Here in this ice cold blue land, I feel warm with you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a Fluff, fun filled day where they spend a day outside with each other

_One year later_

“Steve,” Bucky stage whispers to his still sleeping boyfriend. Steve doesn’t stir from his place on the bed. 

Bucky smiles fondly from his place standing beside him, hands on hips. It was a rare day that Steve decided _not_ to get up early for a run, or one of them didn’t have nightmares. He almost felt bad about waking him up. Almost. (There was always tomorrow. Besides, it _was_ much later than Steve woke _himself_ up.)

“Steevie,” Bucky whispers into his ear. He kisses his cheek obnoxiously loud. “Wake up!”

He leaves his face inches from Steves and watches as he blinks his eyes open, going a little cross eyed as he looks at Bucky. 

“Wha..?”

A grin steals across Bucky’s face.

“It _snowed_!” 

“Uhg.” Steve says, rolling over. 

Bucky considers him for a moment, trying to decide if he wants to go through with the day he has sort of planned. And yep. He does.

He climbs over Steve to get back onto the bed. Steve hides his face in the pillow, but not before Bucky sees the hint of a smile. Good.

“But Steeve,” he whines. 

“ _Sleep_ , Buck.” Steve mutters into his pillow.

Bucky sits there looking at him for a minute before he gets up.

When he feels Bucky leave the bed, Steve’s not sure if he should be worried or not. When Bucky leaves the room, he sits up a little, frowning until he hears a window open. Then he lays back down. Bucky must have decided to look outside more closely, without bothering Steve. He feels a little bad, because a cheerful, playful Bucky means that he woke up feeling himself, with no nightmares, no excessive reminders of his time as the Soldier. Really, they should make the most of it. 

In a minute.

Steve is halfway back to sleep when Bucky is back.

“Steve,” he whispers gently in his ear, “wake up.”

Steve grumbles at him, but doesn't move.

That changes when Bucky places his cold metal hand in between his shoulder blades.

Steve squeaks and tries to squirm away. Bucky laughs.

“You - you should have gotten up the first time!” He says between gasping breaths as he laughs. 

Steve growls at him and tackles him to the floor. They wrestle for a while before it turns into light kissing.

It’s been an interesting year, with ups and downs for both of them.

Bucky had been shy, scared he admitted later, when he first showed up. He had moved into Steve’s guest room. A week later after a really bad nightmare, he bolted. He was only gone a little more than a day before he hesitantly decided to come back. 

Steve had been devastated. He had gone for a run, and had returned to find Bucky gone. When he hadn’t come back after a few hours, he had sat down, head in hands and didn’t move until Bucky returned, scared and more unsure of his welcome than he had been the first time. 

The first time they slept in the same bed, a month later, was after Steve had a bad nightmare. Bucky had offered to stay with him, and Steve had gratefully, perhaps eagerly, accepted.

The next morning they talked about _them_ and discovered that they wanted to try their relationship again. They shared their first kiss since that hesitant New Year’s Eve kiss.

Bucky had kept his room, although they often shared Steve’s. They took things slowly, despite jokes from the other Avengers. Bucky wasn't ready to jump into what they had been before, and though Steve was loath to admit it, he wasn't either. 

It was only six months, when they hadn’t slept apart in a long time, that Bucky had tentatively suggested that maybe, if Steve wanted, Bucky could permanently move into Steve’s room, and it could be their room.

Steve had been wondering if he should bring up the same idea, seeing as they had gotten to the point where nightmares were usually better when they slept together, had happily agreed.

He had also, more recently, promised Bucky that he could decide what they did for a whole day, and today Bucky intended to make good on that promise. 

“Hey,” Bucky said between kisses, “Remember when you promised me a day?”

Steve leans back to look him in the eye.

“Yeah?”

“What if we did that today?”

Steve groans and lays his head on Bucky’s collar bone.

“You want to go out into the snow, don’t you.”

Bucky may have disliked the cold, but that was easily fought off. He didn’t have the same associations with snow that Steve did. With watching his best friend fall and then crashing to his own supposed death in the arctic, it wasn’t a surprise that Steve didn’t care for the snow too much.

Today, Bucky wanted to give him some new, good memories related to snow. To help a little. And if he thought that Steve seriously didn’t want to be in the snow ever, he definitely wouldn’t make him.

Bucky kisses his head. 

He lets Steve think about it for a minute. 

Steve kisses him again, and sits up with a gleam in his eye. Bucky looks back warily; waiting to see if this was Steve-is-excited or Steve-has-a-bad-idea-to-distract-him-instead.

“What the hell,” Steve says, leaning in to peck his lips, “whatever you want.”

Bucky grins.

“Really?”

“Yeah, I trust you.”

Whatever Bucky has planned, Steve decides it’s worth it as Bucky beams up at him and swoops in for a heartfelt kiss.

It takes some time to get dressed and eat breakfast ( _It’s a reasonable delay, Buck. Unless you wanted to go out..?_ No.. _O_ _k then. Breakfast first_ )

Bucky is all bundled up, while Steve is only wearing a thin coat. When Steve laughs at him, Bucky elbows him in the side. 

“Shut up, punk. We’ll see if you’re still laughing later when you’re cold.”

“Whatever you say, jerk.” He wraps and arm around Bucky’s shoulders, and pulls him in to kiss his temple. “Where we headed?”

When they arrive at a skating rink, Steve starts to feel a little nervous.

“You know I can’t dance,” He says as they put on their skates.

“We’re not dancin’, punk, we’re skatin’. They're different.”

“You're just excited to have knives strapped to your feet.” 

Bucky looks up to give him a look, but shrugs and doesn’t deny it. When he finishes with his laces, he kneels down and helps Steve finish his. 

“Come on,” He says standing and offering his hands, “It’ll be fun.”

Steve is still skeptical, but he accepts Bucky’s hands and lets himself be pulled up and over to the ice. 

To both of their surprise, it’s actually Bucky who has the most issues initially. Not to say that Steve doesn’t fall a few times. But Bucky definitely falls more. Not that he’s counting or anything. 

Once Bucky gets the hang of it, he’s able to go faster than Steve is, and is definitely smug over it. 

“See, nothing to it,” Bucky says after they finish attempting to show off and are gliding hand in hand around the rink. 

“Whatever you say, Buck.”

Bucky chuckles.

“Aww, don’t be such a sore loser.”

“Bite me, Barnes.” Steve responds, without any heat.

Steve had lost their race, insisting that Bucky had cheated. Bucky had simply laughed and suggested a rematch. Which Steve had lost. Because he couldn’t keep his balance going as fast as Bucky apparently could. (He stopped counting falls at that point. Bucky was winning, and there was _no way_ he was going to tell him that.)

Lost in his thoughts, Steve gets distracted and falls _again._

Bucky laughs at him, but smiles fondly at him.

“Falling for me, Stevie?” he teases.

Steve looks up at his boyfriend, noticing how alive his eyes are, his hair escaping the hat it had been tucked into. Cheeks flushed both from the cold and exertion. He looks beautiful.

“Always, Buck.”

Bucky ducks his head, looking away.

Steve holds out his hands, and after a moment, Bucky takes them and helps him up. He tucks a lock of hair behind Bucky’s ear, then brushes his lips with his thumb, raising his eyebrows in question. When Bucky nods, he leans in and kisses him gently. Bucky returns the kiss, and they lose track of their surroundings, lost in each other. 

That changes when Bucky goes to take a step closer, and they both fall.

“Now who’s falling for who?” Steve teases, once they stop laughing.

Bucky simply leans over to kiss his cheek before scrambling to stand up. 

“Come on, let’s go somewhere else.” 

They leave and walk hand in hand to a park. A breeze blows by and snow drifts down from the trees. Bucky shivers in the cold, but glances up at Steve. Steve who’s still smiling. Bucky ducks his head to hide his smile. Good.

Steve lets go of his hand, saying he wants a closer look at the bridge covered in snow. Bucky nods and watches him go. Steve pulls out his phone to take a picture, stopping under a tree laden with snow. Bucky grins and waits a moment for Steve to take the picture before approaching. 

He stops just behind Steve, not worried about him hearing, and slams his metal fist into the tree; just hard enough to shake it so the snow comes showering down over them.

Steve splutters as Bucky laughs in delight.

Steve shakes his head, giving Bucky the impression of a dog shaking off water. The glare he gives Bucky isn’t serious and they both know it.

“Alright, you asked for it,” Steve says, picking up snow.

Bucky was prepared for this exact thing and throws his own snowball at Steve before he finishes creating his first, running away as their fight begins. 

They race around the park, not really caring as the other patrons shout at them to act their age. 

Eventually, they stop. Too out of breath from laughing and running and chasing.

“Think of the _children_ , Steve” Bucky says panting, quoting an older woman they had passed earlier.

“The children should do the exact same thing. Snowball fights are _great_.”

By unspoken agreement, they begin to head home. They pass a stand selling hot chocolate and stop to get one before continuing. 

The sun is starting to set, and they still have a good walk ahead of them. They finish their drinks and toss their containers in a trashcan before either says anything.

“Was today okay?” Bucky asks, bumping into Steve. Steve stumbles a little, but bumps back.

“Yeah. It was a good day.” 

A cold breeze blows by and Steve shivers.

Bucky frowns and stops them.

“You should have dressed warmer,” he chides. Bucky removes one of his scarves and wraps it around Steve’s neck. He uses the scarf to pull Steve close and kiss his cheek, before letting go. “There. Better?”

Steve gives him a soft look, smiling, and pulls him into a hug.

“You’re here. That’s all I need to feel warm.”

“Aww,” Bucky coos, leaning back and patting his face with a smirk, “that’s so cute.”

“Shut it, Barnes.” Steve responds without heat. 

“Make me.”

So Steve leans in and kisses him square on the mouth. Bucky wraps his arms around his neck, deepening the kiss, not minding the public space.

“You make me feel warm too.” Bucky offers when they part, resting his forehead against Steve’s. 

Steve kisses his forehead, and they finish the walk home, hand in hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's a wrap! I hope you all enjoyed this :)
> 
> Thank you to everyone who commented our left kudos! I truly appreciate and love each one!
> 
> Hope to catch you all later! Be blessed in your endeavors <3
> 
> [Artwork on TheWayThatWeRust's tumblr](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com/post/613366480740941824/youre-just-excited-to-have-knives-strapped-to)

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be updating this everyday until all 6 chapters are posted! Thank you so much for reading! <3  
> thewaythatwerust's (my amazing artist!) [tumblr](https://thewaythatwerust.tumblr.com)
> 
> My [tumblr](https://kittytheroseofkirea.tumblr.com) (that I rarely use/don't know how to use yet. But it's there :) )


End file.
